Women Penetrating Women

Before I begin with this week's blog post, I want to just let all the readers know that next week's post will be a very intimate post for me, and it will be posted on the blog on Saturday. So keep don't fret if you don't see it until the weekend.

Additionally, I have now added a "Donate" button on the blog (on the upper right hand side of the website), for anyone that would like to contribute to the blog. I intend to use the funds for future toys to review. Now onto today's post.

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Last month, on my "Sex with Women" post, a reader asked: "How do two women engage in sexual intercourse?" I promised to respond to this question with a blog post, so here it is.

When I read that comment, the first thing that came to mind was the scene in "Chasing Amy" where Alyssa, played by Joey Lauren Adams, explains to Holden, played Ben Affleck, how two women can have sex. Holden's problem came with his lack of understanding how a woman can penetrate another woman, therefore thinking that two women can't REALLY have sex. I think that it's quite possible for some men to believe this, and believe that just because a woman has never been with another man that she's still a virgin. Then the question becomes, what is the definition of a woman losing her virginity? In all sincerity, this could just mean the first time you are penetrated by a partner, whether it be with a male bodied partner and their penis, or a female bodied partner and their fingers/hands.

There's a common misconception that a woman loses her virginity when her hymen breaks. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there are a lot of young girls and women who don't have intact hymens and whom have never had any kind of sexual intercourse. Due to how active young girls and women are, it's quite easy for a girl to tear her hymen, but this doesn't mean that she's not still a virgin. When I lost my virginity (the first time I had a phallus penetrate my vagina) I didn't bleed. I had already broken my hymen a while ago; I think it was when I was younger and horseback riding. But I digress from the original question.

Aside from fingers and hands, women can penetrate other women with their tongues and with a strap-on. Some lesbian couples go to adult toy stores together to purchase toys to penetrate each other with; this practice is quite common. I've had a few conversations with men that don't understand this; why would two lesbians want to have sex with a strap-on? Why don't they just have sex with someone that has the real thing? Well, this is quite simple; because women don't "love" penis, or any other form of phallus. What they love is the person it's attached to; and this goes for pretty much all women, not just lesbians. The act of penetration, whether it be from a dildo or the real thing, is what's intimate, not the actual phallus itself.

Furthermore, to love someone is a form of penetration, and for some women, this is the important type of penetration. If I am with a woman and we love each other, and we're having sex but are not physically penetrating each other, that doesn't mean that when we're performing other forms of love-making we're still not penetrating each other in some way. Hopefully this has been insightful.


Until next time, stay excited!




***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. If you would like to make a donation, please do so by using the secure PayPal "DONATE" button on the top right of the website. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***

First Date Sex!

Two weeks ago I posted a link, on the blog's Facebook page, to a post on Jezebel that commented on a report by MSNBC on how having sex on a first date is not necessarily a deal breaker for a loving, long-term relationship. I figured I would add my two cents to this and hope that some of you might be willing to share your opinions as well.

I would like to first start off by saying that everyone is different. Just because one has not found "the love of their life" yet doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the fact that you may or may not be putting out after the first or second date; it's possible that you probably have not found the right person. The report argues that love, like all other emotions,  is related to brain activity and that sexual desire activates the same area of the brain that love does "... love and sexual desire both activate the striatum, showing a continuum from sexual desire to love." I know that this is true for most women.

When most women lose their virginity they are usually more emotionally linked to their partner, (If you're a woman reading this, please correct me if I'm wrong) and for the experiences that I have encountered, vicariously through girlfriends, this has been the case. On the other hand, you have people like myself that feel that sex can be meaningless and fun by detaching any emotions from sex, so as to not become emotionally involved with your partner. When I lost my virginity I did not feel like I wanted to be in a relationship with the person I lost my virginity to. I DID continue having sex with this person for a short period of time, but only until I found someone else to have sex with. But honestly, I think that I'm the exception and not the rule.

I have a long history of "hitting it and quitting it" when it comes to my sexual experiences. What exactly does that mean? For me, it meant that I would have sex with someone and would have no desire to have a relationship with my partners. A lot of the time this was due to not really knowing my partners (on a deeper, emotional level) and therefore feeling like I got all I could possibly be given by them, sex. The lack of attachment was even worse when I didn't get satisfied during the sexual encounter. In order for me to have that sexual desire be converted to "love", or at least a stronger attraction to my partner, I would need to get to know this person first and build up the sexual tension before sleeping with each other. This has happened to me a total of two times.

My first sexual/emotional experience was REALLY disappointing, mainly because of his performance (which lasted about 5 minutes or less). This ended up being a bit of a turn off, but I still kept pursuing him. After a second, and equally, disappointing short performance, I realized that I was not into having sex with this person, but I was still emotionally attracted to him because, by that point, I had already known this person for quite some time. My second experience was a lot more promising. Prior to having sex, we really got a chance to get to know each other. On a few occasions we even discussed what some of our fantasies and desires were, which led to kinkier sex and an all around better experience, which drew me even closer to this person. I'm not involved with either person anymore, but of the partners I have had, these are the two that "made the cut" to a potential relationship, at least in my head.

Maybe I'm just not wired correctly, where I don't feel an emotional connection with most people I sleep with, or maybe I'm more of a guy in that sense. It's almost as if for me it's about the chase; if you give it up to quickly then I'm immediately turned off from wanting to pursue any kind of relationship that was not just "fuck buddy". But if you held off and I got to know you, then the mystery of the potential emotional connection we could create from having sex would pique my interests even more and give you a fighting chance. Now a days, I feel like this is exactly what I'm trying to find. My "hitting it and quitting it" days are definitely over, and have been for about a year and a half now (it might have something to do with getting older). But I'm almost certain that even with my desire to be in a relationship, sleeping with someone on the first or second date would be a deal breaker for me.

Until next time, stay excited!


***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***

My mom and the blog

I was going to post about anal sex today but a conversation I was having last night made me decided to leave that for next week and write about telling my mom about this blog. Whenever I go and visit my mom, I sometimes bring up the topic of sex, not because I want to make her squirm, but because I feel like this is a challenge for me. I have never been comfortable talking to my mom about sex, particularly because when she found out I wasn’t a virgin she started to cry. Needless to say that I was heartbroken and exceedingly annoyed by her reaction, which resulted in me never wanting to talk to my mom about sex, until I started the blog.

I have been trying to be as open as I can about the blog, including with my family. My mom, who is the most important member in my family, along with my grandma and aunt, is aware that I have a blog that revolves around sex, but she doesn’t know how personal I get with my
blog posts.

This past December, when I was visiting my mother in Los Angeles, I told her that I was going out to go watch a comedy show. What I failed to mention was that this comedy show was at the Pleasure Chest, an adult toy store, and that I was planning on purchasing a few items while I was there. When I got back from being out, I showed my mother what I purchased; a mini padlocked chest and Smartballs by Fun Factory (which will be reviewed next month). I began explaining to my mom that I was going to begin writing a blog. Well, first I had to explain what a blog is and how everyone would be able to read the content of my blog. The next step, which was a bit harder, was explaining what the actual content would be. As I began to explain that I would be reviewing adult toys, I could see my mom’s scowl just getting scarier. When I finished, she just looked at me in disgust. I have to admit that I felt a little heart broken, but mainly because I didn’t know that my mom would object so much to my use of toys. That’s right; her reason for not being pleased about the blog wasn’t necessarily that I was going to be writing reviews about these toys, but that I was masturbating and using toys. At that point I sat my mom down for a little talk about modern day women’s health and sexuality.

Explaining to my mother that masturbation is healthy is tricky, particularly because she’s a traditional Central-American female that was raised Baptist. I tried to make her relate to any sexual urges she might have had, or might still have, but I think that my mom is now asexual. This woman would just not budge. All she kept saying was that masturbation was disgusting and a lady should not do that; I might or might not have let out a burst of laughter after she said that. This is the woman that makes an entire room laugh with her dirty jokes. A woman whose humor is so crude that if you were to hear some of her jokes you would understand where I get it from, I’m sure that my cousins who read this can attest to that. Well, when trying to have a serious conversation with one’s mother it’s probably not good to laugh at some of the stuff they say. Either way, I digress. I tried to help my mom accept that masturbation was healthy, so I put things for her the following way; would she rather I sleep around with various men until I am sexually satisfied OR just masturbate and reach that sexual satisfaction without any worries of a condom breaking, potentially contracting STDs, or even worse, becoming pregnant. As badly as my mother wants grandbabies, she finally conceded, BUT that didn’t mean that she was happy that I was writing about this. I decided to just leave it at that, for the time being, but my pursuit to change her mind about sex has only just begun.

Until next time, stay excited!



***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***

Virginity

The story of when I lost my virginity is neither romantic nor exciting, which seems to be the majority of what I’m hearing from some women I talk to. The first time I had intercourse I was eighteen, going on nineteen, and was about to end my first year of college. The only reason I remember that evening is because it was my first time, and who doesn’t remember their first time? Actually, this night could have been almost as forgettable as any night I had fairly dull sex, which, unfortunately, has been more often than I would like. I know, it’s very sad and mean to say it this way, but to be quite honest, how many women, and sometimes men, had this notion that your first time would be idyllic? I’m going to guess that most of us. The sad reality of it all is that it probably wasn’t, and that afterwards you were probably just left thinking “that’s it? That’s what all that fuss was about?” Well, that’s exactly how I felt after I had sex for the first time. My reaction was almost exactly like the main character in the movie “An Education” had when she lost her virginity.

Now, I do have to confess that I was not in a relationship with this person, nor was I in love with him or had any desire to be in a relationship, so my first time would have probably been a little more memorable if I felt that I had an emotional connection with him, but I still doubt it. What he was “packing” was also nothing to get hot and bothered about; below average length, and hardly any girth. There was some foreplay to kick start that evening, and it wasn't too bad, he was fairly attentive to my needs prior to the sex. The actual penetration, though, didn’t last too long, about a few minutes, from what I remember. I sometimes wondered if he was even in at all. After he came, though, he proceeded to make sure that I too was satisfied, which I give him lots of praise for. Too often I have had sex where the guy came and didn’t bother to make sure that I was also satisfied; I'll get to them in future posts, don't worry.

After the first time we had sex, I decided that I would give him another chance to redeem himself, but again, the intercourse was dull, quick, and non-imaginative, position-wise. We didn’t have sex many more times after that.

As I sit here and reflect on that sexual encounter I think back on the reasons why I decided to lose my virginity in the first place. Mostly it's because of religious oppression of women’s sexuality, mainly coming from what I had witnessed in religion at that time in my life, and also my atheist beliefs. But another reason is my sexual curiosity, which you already learned about from my first post. There was no way that I was going to wait until marriage to have my first sexual encounter, especially since I’m 27 and have absolutely no desire to get married right now.

One thing that I do feel compelled to note, though, is that I was at first frightened into wanting to wait by my mother and grandmother. I have cousins that had children as teenagers, and I was afraid that if I were to have sex that I would become a teenage mom as well, which would interfere with my college plans. Fortunately, though, I paid attention in sex-ed and knew that there were ways to be safe and prevent a pregnancy and contracting STIs. I also decided that I wanted to wait until I was 18 to have sex, just in case the contraception didn't work and I did indeed get pregnant.

Before I finish, I just want to write a quick note on the hymen. A woman's hymen can break easily; it doesn't necessarily have to break during sexual intercourse. I'm pretty sure that the lack of pain and bleeding from my first time are indicators that my hymen had broken long before that first time I had sex, which I'm happy about because that means that I never had to experience that pain or bleeding from sex.

Until next time, stay excited!

***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***