Virginity

The story of when I lost my virginity is neither romantic nor exciting, which seems to be the majority of what I’m hearing from some women I talk to. The first time I had intercourse I was eighteen, going on nineteen, and was about to end my first year of college. The only reason I remember that evening is because it was my first time, and who doesn’t remember their first time? Actually, this night could have been almost as forgettable as any night I had fairly dull sex, which, unfortunately, has been more often than I would like. I know, it’s very sad and mean to say it this way, but to be quite honest, how many women, and sometimes men, had this notion that your first time would be idyllic? I’m going to guess that most of us. The sad reality of it all is that it probably wasn’t, and that afterwards you were probably just left thinking “that’s it? That’s what all that fuss was about?” Well, that’s exactly how I felt after I had sex for the first time. My reaction was almost exactly like the main character in the movie “An Education” had when she lost her virginity.

Now, I do have to confess that I was not in a relationship with this person, nor was I in love with him or had any desire to be in a relationship, so my first time would have probably been a little more memorable if I felt that I had an emotional connection with him, but I still doubt it. What he was “packing” was also nothing to get hot and bothered about; below average length, and hardly any girth. There was some foreplay to kick start that evening, and it wasn't too bad, he was fairly attentive to my needs prior to the sex. The actual penetration, though, didn’t last too long, about a few minutes, from what I remember. I sometimes wondered if he was even in at all. After he came, though, he proceeded to make sure that I too was satisfied, which I give him lots of praise for. Too often I have had sex where the guy came and didn’t bother to make sure that I was also satisfied; I'll get to them in future posts, don't worry.

After the first time we had sex, I decided that I would give him another chance to redeem himself, but again, the intercourse was dull, quick, and non-imaginative, position-wise. We didn’t have sex many more times after that.

As I sit here and reflect on that sexual encounter I think back on the reasons why I decided to lose my virginity in the first place. Mostly it's because of religious oppression of women’s sexuality, mainly coming from what I had witnessed in religion at that time in my life, and also my atheist beliefs. But another reason is my sexual curiosity, which you already learned about from my first post. There was no way that I was going to wait until marriage to have my first sexual encounter, especially since I’m 27 and have absolutely no desire to get married right now.

One thing that I do feel compelled to note, though, is that I was at first frightened into wanting to wait by my mother and grandmother. I have cousins that had children as teenagers, and I was afraid that if I were to have sex that I would become a teenage mom as well, which would interfere with my college plans. Fortunately, though, I paid attention in sex-ed and knew that there were ways to be safe and prevent a pregnancy and contracting STIs. I also decided that I wanted to wait until I was 18 to have sex, just in case the contraception didn't work and I did indeed get pregnant.

Before I finish, I just want to write a quick note on the hymen. A woman's hymen can break easily; it doesn't necessarily have to break during sexual intercourse. I'm pretty sure that the lack of pain and bleeding from my first time are indicators that my hymen had broken long before that first time I had sex, which I'm happy about because that means that I never had to experience that pain or bleeding from sex.

Until next time, stay excited!

***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***

The War on Women

Over the weekend I went to a friend’s house warming party. As I was talking to people and making new acquaintances, I began to share this blog with them, and without fail, I would receive quite an outburst of giggles when I mentioned what the name of the blog was. After the laughing subsided, and I explained the layout of the blog and the subject matter, my new acquaintances proceeded to ask about the “War on Women”. Their curiosity, since they were mostly males, had to do with wanting to know what exactly the “War on Women” is, my opinions on it, and what it means to me. Well, ladies and gentlemen, since I’m pretty sure to eloquently illustrate what the “War on Women” and my personal stance, mainly due to my slight state of inebriation, here’s my attempt to highlight a few of the key points on the “War on Women.”

One of the most prevalent battles of the War on Women has to be the attack on a woman’s right to choose. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, abortion is definitely one of those hot button issues that will always manage to stir up a whirlwind of emotions within people, but we have to put our emotions aside and actually think for a moment. What is under attack, at the moment, is late-term abortions, and rightfully so, it’s a very touchy and controversial topic. Any abortion that is performed after 20 weeks of gestation is considered “late-term”, mainly due to the fact that a fetus is usually viable after the 20^th week. But let’s think about this for a moment, according to the Association for Natural Psychology’s website, “teenagers and women in general who have a late-term abortion performed may experience disturbing and painful emotions." When taking this into consideration, one must wonder why would anyone have a late-term abortion? The answer is almost always because the woman’s life is in danger, and in a few cases because the fetus would suffer greatly after it has fully developed and been delivered, like Carolyn Jones shared in an article she wrote, for the Texas Observer, about her late-term abortion experience.

Carolyn’s experience is a notable one due to the new Sonogram Law that Texas has instated, in which a woman is required to listen to the fetus’ heart-beat, or watch the sonogram, and have a doctor describe the fetus, then wait a full 24 hours before having an abortion. As if the emotional and psychological trauma of the abortion itself was not enough, women are now expected to go through an entire gauntlet of emotional torture before having an abortion. This attack is just one example of many in which a woman’s right to choose is under fire. To me, it seems like the Right-wingers are just using late-term abortions as their first point of attack so that in the long run a woman’s right to choose is outlawed all together. What men have to understand, though, is that if this country were to completely ban abortions, one would almost definitely see an increase in deaths from women having botched back-alley abortions. But then again, considering the political agenda of most right-winged conservatives, I wouldn’t be surprised if they would be ok with this.

The next battle I want to point out is the battle against women’s access to contraception and basic women’s health needs. Arizona House Bill 2625 would allow Arizona employers to deny employee coverage of contraceptive services if contraception “is contrary to the religious beliefs of the employer, sponsor, issuer, insurer or other entity offering the plan or is because the coverage is contrary to the religious beliefs of the purchaser or beneficiary of the coverage.” In essence, if your employer is morally opposed to the use of contraception, then so should you. Of course, women who use contraception for medical reasons have to “first pay for the prescription and then submit a claim to the insurer along with evidence that the prescription is not in whole or in part for a purpose covered by the objection.” Considering what the price of contraception can amount to, especially for some women who are not able to use generic versions of the pill, for example, will probably have to go without receiving contraception at all because they can’t afford to “first pay” out of pocket.

The most infuriating battle of all, at least to me, and ESPECIALLY because it’s Sexual Assault Awareness month, are the debates and reservations Republicans are having about reauthorizing the “Violence Against Women Act.” In this battle bigotry rears its ugly head. The objections that come with the reauthorization are with some new provisions that were added to the act. So what is so objectionable that there can be a potential cause for delay? Well, the provisions include protections for LGBTQ individuals, undocumented immigrants who are victims of domestic abuse and the authority of Native American tribes to prosecute crimes. Now, to me, a woman attacked is a woman attacked, regardless of what her sexual orientation, gender identity, immigration status, or cultural background may be. Attacks against women happen all over the world, and a woman hurt in this country should have some sort of protection, period! Unfortunately, Republicans are turning VAWA into a partisan issue, while too many women are victims, and many more don’t seek help because of fear, shame, or whatever their personal reasons may be. 

I know that I didn't go through everything, and that I just lightly covered these topics, but this is just to illustrate the broad range of fronts in which women are being attacked. Women in this country are of different racial, cultural, socio-economic backgrounds, and these differences make them targets to various attacks that warrant our attention. Unfortunately, I can't get to it now, but I plan to do so in future posts.

Until next time, stay excited!

If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and it seems only right to bring to light some of the statistics. Sexual assault against women is not just an unfortunate occurrence as much as it is more of a common fact, particularly when looking at the data. According to Feminist.com, "22 million women in the United States have been raped in their lifetime." Rainn.org reports "there is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of sexual assault each year" and “97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail." These tragic numbers are all too real for a friend of mine who I interviewed for this blog post.

My friend, who I will call Amanda, graciously agreed to talk to me about her tragic experiences so that I may share them in the blog. The first time she was ever assaulted was before she was even in elementary school. Amanda recalls being fondled and rubbed up against by the sons of her grandmother’s friend, whom they would frequently visit. Confused by the situation, Amanda never told anyone about these attacks; so this innocent child had to continue to live with these attacks in silence.

As she got older, the attacks got worse. As a pre-teen, Amanda lived with her grandmother and her grandmother’s two stepsons. The younger boy, who was about eight years Amanda’s senior, began to sexually assault her by doing the same things the sons of her grandmother’s friend would do; he would touch her and rub up against her. These attacks happened for years, but the real shocking and unexpected attack occurred one day when she was eleven-years-old. She was home alone and doing dishes, when the eldest stepson came home. Amanda wasn’t sure if he was drunk or high, but he just came into the house, turned off the kitchen light, and proceeded to force himself on her. A few minutes into the attack, her grandmother walked into the house. She knew that something was wrong, but didn’t bother to investigate or ask Amanda if everything was ok. This lack of investigation by her grandmother, or the consistent attacks by the younger stepson coupled with the attack by the eldest son, were too much for a child to handle and Amanda began running away from home; this was the quickest solution to get the attacks to stop.

On one of the occasions in which she ran away, Amanda ran into an uncle, who was only about nineteen years old. He told her that she should stay with him, that if she was going to run away then she should stay with family, which would be safer. At this point in Amanda’s life, after so many attacks, she had begun drinking heavily, and this particular night was no different. She and her uncle started drinking, and at one point Amanda blacked out. When she finally came-to she was in a bed in a dark room, with the Gorillaz playing loudly on the radio. A few moments later she realized that her pants were off, then she felt her uncle’s face in between her legs. She tried to kick him off, but he over-powered her, and all attempts to get free from his grasp seemed futile, and that was when the rape happened. Amanda recalls that her uncle seemed to have gone mad. During the entire ordeal he kept telling her how much he loved her, and had always loved her. He also stated to her that he wanted them to get married and her to be the mother of his children.

After all was said and done, Amanda’s uncle refused to let her leave his home. For three days, not only was she a victim of rape, but also was kidnapped by her rapist. He missed work, would make her sit on the toilet while he showered, and was not allowed near the door. On the third day, she bolted to the front door and managed to get free. Once out the door she ran. Amanda ran until she couldn’t run anymore and stopped in the middle of the street. When the cops approached her she began to cry uncontrollably. Unable to calm her down, the cops waited until her family arrived. Her family told the cops that she would be all right and that this was just one of her tantrums, but nobody knew what she had endured those past three days. Even years after this incident there are still only two or three other people know what really happened.

I asked Amanda if she ever thought of reporting these attacks, or if it would give her closure to report the attacks, especially the rape and kidnapping. She calmly stated that she wouldn’t report the attacks because she didn’t want to stir up any drama. Oddly enough, I understand. I know that there are many people reading this and thinking that she should still report it, but this is a choice that she has made. She didn’t have a choice when she was sexually assaulted, but this is one thing that she does have control over, and she chooses to not report this. Amanda is very much aware that she is contributing to the statistic, but she is still dealing with the repercussions of the attacks.

In my opinion, for her to share this story with me so that I may post it in a public forum, even if it is anonymously, is a big step. I think that one of the reasons she was willing to share her story was because I told her that it was Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and in the spirit of awareness decided to recall these tragic events. My homework for everybody reading this who has younger siblings, young nieces, or young daughters, is talk to them about their bodies. Let them know that it’s not ok for other people to touch them where they don’t want to be touched. Most importantly, though, let them know that it’s ok for them to talk to you if anything should ever happen to them. Encourage them to talk to you if they feel like someone violated them in some way. Let Amanda’s story not become someone else’s story; that of a young girl who was afraid to share her tragic attacks. Amanda is in her mid-twenties and is still healing from these atrocities. Maybe, if she felt that there was a safe environment for her to share her story when she was younger, she might have never had to endure so much pain. I will say this about Amanda, and other women that are survivors of such attacks, they are strong women that still find the power to push through.

Until next time, stay excited! But most importantly, stay safe!

If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post it in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com.

If you, or someone you know has been a victim of any kind of sexual assault, please call RAINN's (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE (1.800.656.4673).

The Doc Johnson I-Vibe Rabbit aka My First Vibrator!

Thirty seconds. That’s about how long it took me to climax the first time I used my first vibrator, the Doc Johnson I-Vibe Rabbit. Ever since then I was a believer in the power of the Rabbit. When my friends bought it for me, they joked that I would never come out of my room. Now, as much as I loved my new toy, I was also a fan of the intimacy of sex with other human beings, so I eventually emerged from my cave, I mean room.

The full story of my first toy is a bit unclear, mainly because of the amount of alcohol that was consumed that night. I was a fourth year college student and my friends and I were out in West Hollywood doing some dancing. That might have been the night when my friends and I may or may not have gotten kicked out of the club for letting our twenty-year-old friend take a sip of one of our drinks, but I digress. As we were walking around town we stepped into an adult toy store. My friends have always known what a sexual person I am, so I’m quite sure that they were flabbergasted that I didn’t own any toys. To be quite honest, I was also quite surprised; but then again, I was a broke college student. We were walking around the store and looking at all the toys when suddenly, like a heavenly ray of light, I saw the I-Vibe from across the room. Like two people locking eyes across a crowded party, I approached the vibrator; it was love at first sight. I picked up the Grape I-Vibe and studied it, in awe of its marvelous design, until I saw the price. This bad boy was a hundred a bucks! Needless to say, I didn’t buy it, but I guess my friends noticed my disappointment and asked me if I wanted it. Not knowing that their intention was to purchase it for me, I’m pretty sure I told them that “Hell yes I want it!” Suddenly, two of my friends were buying it for me! After all of the money transactions were completed, my friends handed me the newly purchased treasure. I immediately gave them a million hugs, and thanked them about the same number of times. Then, out of nowhere, another friend suggested we go to the grocery store a block away to get me some necessary accessories. I don’t know what I did to deserve such amazing gifts, and especially such amazing friends, but off we went to go purchase some batteries and lube. Again, hugs and thanks were generously given as I was handed the bag.  I reached into the bag, pulled out the batteries, and proceeded to open them so that I could see the I-Vibe in all its glory. As soon as I turned it on, all of the girls in the group got giddy as we felt the different speeds and pulsations, particularly the high speed of the vibrating rabbit ears. After we were all done being hypnotized, I put the toy away and anxiously waited to get home.

At the end of the night, once I got home, without delay I washed the vibrator with warm water and soap and went into my room. I opened up the lube, which was the kind that warms up once it comes into contact with your skin, turned up all the settings on the Rabbit, and went to town. In retrospect, it was a bit foolish to go from zero to about a hundred in terms of stimulation, but like I mentioned above, I came within thirty seconds. All of the settings were much too high, though. As enjoyable as the immediate satisfaction was, it was also too much too fast.

I took a few minutes to compose myself and gave it another go, but this time by starting off with the low settings and working my way up. I found a happy medium with the middle speed on the rabbit ears, which stimulate the clitoris, and a medium high speed on the shaft of the vibrator. With these settings, the pleasure was built-up and prolonged, making the experience a lot more enjoyable.

Now, as for the Rabbit itself, if you’ve never seen or heard of the Rabbit, then you might have been living under a rock. Between the Rabbit and the Hitachi Magic Wand, those two toys have been enjoyed by many women, and with good reason; they are powerful toys that stimulate all the right spots. What I like most about the Rabbit is that it stimulates your G-spot as well as your clitoris, which, for me, is the epitome of full sexual satisfaction. The rotating beads massage the vaginal walls, to heighten your pleasure as the rabbit ears hit your clitoris. There are eight different, and separate, speeds for both the clitoral stimulator and the shaft, and three different vibrating settings, which are not separate.

One issue that I have with the I-Vibe, is how less powerful the rabbit ears are if you are pumping the vibrator in and out of your vagina. As you push the vibrator into your vagina, the rabbit ears are bending as it’s being pressed up against your clitoris, which actually makes it lose a bit of its intensity. In order to get a maximum amount of stimulation from the rabbit ears you need to refrain from doing any deep thrusting movements. This design flaw comes from the bit of silicon that’s shaped like rabbit ears that protrude from the clitoris stimulator, but that is as far as my qualms go.

All in all, my experience with the I-Vibe has been a pleasant and pleasurable one. I believe that the back-story behind the toy has a lot to do with it, but then again I AM on my second Rabbit, (I may or may not have over-used my first one and therefore had to replace it). This vibrator definitely gets a big “DilDo” and is highly recommended by yours truly.

If you own a Rabbit, let me know your thoughts on this product in the comments section. Also, if you have any suggestions for future reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post it in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com.

Until next time, stay excited! ;)