Readers, I have a confession to make; I haven't been honest with any of you. Yes, I started the blog because I wanted to increase my toy collection, and because I wanted to partake in all the women's health issues dialogues that are currently taking place in this election year; but the real reason, though, is because a year ago today I was raped. In thinking about bringing this blog into fruition, I felt that getting my rape story "out there" would help to ease my pain.
Before I begin, I know that many of my friends read this blog, and chances are that most of you know who my attacker was. I ask you to please not confront this person if you do indeed figure out who it was. For those that don't know, please don't ask. I'm writing this as a form of therapy for myself with the hopes of letting all of that go and moving on with my life as soon as it is posted.
I've had a total of two traumatic experiences in my life, and all within under two years of each other. The first was the loss of my little sister, which took me down a dark and lonely path in which I pulled away from everyone. My second experience, my rape, has taken me down a dark and lonely path from which I've been pulling away from the person I once was.
I had a friend from Los Angeles visiting me back when I was living in Portland. He was nearing the end of his second week stay in Oregon; he split his time between Portland and some other part of Oregon where he has family and went to go visit for a week. The entire time that he stayed with me he slept on my bed, while I slept on the futon, as I assumed any good host would do. He and I were both going to be leaving Portland that following Saturday morning; him back to LA, and me to San Francisco to visit some friends and go to a college football game.
I vividly remember everything that happened that day. It was Thursday, September 29, 2011, and I went to work like any other day. I was "seeing" someone at the time and, as we sometimes did, he and I were chatting back and forth. After opening up to my friend who was visiting, I decided to take his advice and put all my cards on the table with this guy I was seeing. I asked him, point blank, where I fit in his busy life. I should have figured things out by that point; I hadn't seen him in a while, about a month, and our only method of communication was via IM. Things had obviously not been moving forward, and they weren't going to. Unfortunately, though, I'm a bit of a masochist and needed to hear from him, directly, that things had gone as far as they were going to go in the "relationship." To my dismay, all I was told was that his intent was not to place me in a holding pattern. I wanted more clarification on that statement, but I didn't receive any.
Dejected and rejected, I knew that I wanted to go out and forget about it all. My friend and I decided to go karaoke at my favorite "hole in the wall" karaoke place. He drank, I sang, and he opened up about how in love he was with my best friend. He hated the fact that she was seeing a "white boy", as he put it, and didn't bother to give him a chance. I told him that he needed to stop being so prejudiced and just accept the fact that she was happy. The entire evening was this same scenario until we closed down the bar; I sang and moped, he drank and continued to profess his love for my best friend. On our drive back to my place, he continued to tell me how much he loved my friend. I was slightly annoyed, but mostly amused by his drunk rantings.
We went into my apartment, and as I locked the door behind me, he proceeded to kissed me. At first I just let it happen, mainly because I used to have a crush on this person, but I quickly came to my senses, and remember how in love he was with my best friend, and pushed him away. He apologized and I told him that we should go to bed. At this point, he stopped me and told me that he felt guilty for taking up my bed and that I should just sleep in my room that night; he would sleep on one side of the bed and me on the other. Not thinking much about it, and quite frankly tired of being uncomfortable on the futon, I decided to sleep in my room with him.
After I put on my pajamas, I want into the room and lay on the bed. At this point, he jumped on top of me and began making out with me once again, but added some groping. I pushed him off and got up from the bed. On my way out the bedroom, he stopped me, apologized, promised to not make any more advances on me and convinced me to come back to the bed. That was the worst decision of my life.
As I came back to my bed, he pinned me down and proceeded to rip off my pajama bottoms and underwear. He went down on me, briefly, but long enough to hurt my vulva; I believe that he bit me while he was down there. Then, without a condom, he proceeded to rape me. It wasn't long before I managed to finally break free from him, he probably got in only about two pumps, but the damage had been done. The entire time I was aware of the fact that it was really late at night and I didn't want to wake up my neighbors for some reason. So, although I was pleading for him to stop, and was attempting to physically push him away, I never raised my voice loud enough to wake up the neighbors.
After I got free, I grabbed my pajama bottoms and put them on. At this point, he said something that has continued to affect me; "you're friend doesn't want me, so now you don't want me?" I didn't want to hear any of this, so I rushed into the living room, wrapped myself in my blanked, and lay on the futon in the fetal position. A few moments later, he came into the living room. All he said was that he was sorry. I told him to leave me alone, that I had to be up early in the morning to go to work.
That night I cried more than I slept. Earlier that day I was rejected, then, after being told how much in love he was with my friend, I was violated in the worst way possible, followed by an attempt to feel guilty for not accepting his sexual advances. I was beside myself, and my mind and emotions were going a million miles an hour. I didn't know what my next move was going to be.
It's not until you've been attacked by someone you know, and considered to be a close friend, that you realize that sometimes you just can't make a simple decision to notify the authorities about your violation. What you want to do is nothing, because you feel like nothing. You feel insignificant, and in my case, only felt desired for sex, as if that was all I was good for. I confided in my two close friends about what transpired that previous night. Although, I wasn't completely honest about what happened. To them, I explained that what occurred was a sexual assault, and not a rape. It took me three to four months to acknowledge the fact that I was indeed raped. They advised me to kick him out of my apartment, but I wasn't sure about what I wanted to do.
On my lunch break, I went back to my apartment, as I normally do, and found that he was out walking my dog. While I was sitting on my couch, eating my lunch, he walked in and sat on the far end of the couch. He hung his head low and proceeded to explain that he didn't really remember what happened the previous night, but that he felt like he did something wrong and wanted to apologize for it. I told him what was on my mind at the moment, which was something close to the following:
"You made me feel so violated. The worst part was that this happened from you; someone whom I considered to be a close friend and whom I confided in. NO ONE has ever made me feel the way that you did last night. So insignificant. So vulnerable."
I thought that telling him that would make me feel better, but it didn't. After my lunch break, I went back to work and attempted to push through the day. After work, he and I barely spoke. He fell asleep on the futon that night, and I had no choice but to sleep on the bed that I was raped in the previous night. We both got up that following Saturday morning, finished packing, and drove to the airport. Since we were flying in separate airlines, I broke away from him and advanced to the security check point. I went through the metal detector, then just walked to my gate. Half-way to my gate, I receive a text from him apologizing about what transpired and him expressing his desire to continue our friendship. My response to him was honest; "I don't know if you've lost my friendship, but I need my space." He apologized once more, and thanked me for letting him stay with me.
Since the rape, I learned that I got an STI, which only added to my feelings of self-loathing. Fortunately, everything was treated and I'm now fine, but at the damage has been done and I still feel disgusting, and even more undesirable. I don't consider the rape to be a sexual encounter, but because of it I haven't had a sexual encounter since my last one, which took place in July, about a little over a month before the rape. My trust issues with men have gotten worse, and I have noticed that my depression has also taken a turn for the worst in terms of its frequency. But after talking to my therapist, I decided that I would share my story on here with the hope that it would help someone who has gone through such an ordeal, or for others to see that it can happen to anyone.
If there's anything that I would like for you all to take away from my experience is that this can happen to anyone. And men, please be aware of your advances and actions and the impact they have on women, especially if they are unwanted. No ALWAYS means no.
Until next time, stay safe!
If you, or someone you know, has been a victim of any kind of sexual assault or rape, please call RAINN's (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE (1.800.656.4673).
Logo created by Sean Bucknam of inadvertentDESIGNS
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Women Penetrating Women
Before I begin with this week's blog post, I want to just let all the readers know that next week's post will be a very intimate post for me, and it will be posted on the blog on Saturday. So keep don't fret if you don't see it until the weekend.
Additionally, I have now added a "Donate" button on the blog (on the upper right hand side of the website), for anyone that would like to contribute to the blog. I intend to use the funds for future toys to review. Now onto today's post.
Last month, on my "Sex with Women" post, a reader asked: "How do two women engage in sexual intercourse?" I promised to respond to this question with a blog post, so here it is.
When I read that comment, the first thing that came to mind was the scene in "Chasing Amy" where Alyssa, played by Joey Lauren Adams, explains to Holden, played Ben Affleck, how two women can have sex. Holden's problem came with his lack of understanding how a woman can penetrate another woman, therefore thinking that two women can't REALLY have sex. I think that it's quite possible for some men to believe this, and believe that just because a woman has never been with another man that she's still a virgin. Then the question becomes, what is the definition of a woman losing her virginity? In all sincerity, this could just mean the first time you are penetrated by a partner, whether it be with a male bodied partner and their penis, or a female bodied partner and their fingers/hands.
There's a common misconception that a woman loses her virginity when her hymen breaks. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there are a lot of young girls and women who don't have intact hymens and whom have never had any kind of sexual intercourse. Due to how active young girls and women are, it's quite easy for a girl to tear her hymen, but this doesn't mean that she's not still a virgin. When I lost my virginity (the first time I had a phallus penetrate my vagina) I didn't bleed. I had already broken my hymen a while ago; I think it was when I was younger and horseback riding. But I digress from the original question.
Aside from fingers and hands, women can penetrate other women with their tongues and with a strap-on. Some lesbian couples go to adult toy stores together to purchase toys to penetrate each other with; this practice is quite common. I've had a few conversations with men that don't understand this; why would two lesbians want to have sex with a strap-on? Why don't they just have sex with someone that has the real thing? Well, this is quite simple; because women don't "love" penis, or any other form of phallus. What they love is the person it's attached to; and this goes for pretty much all women, not just lesbians. The act of penetration, whether it be from a dildo or the real thing, is what's intimate, not the actual phallus itself.
Furthermore, to love someone is a form of penetration, and for some women, this is the important type of penetration. If I am with a woman and we love each other, and we're having sex but are not physically penetrating each other, that doesn't mean that when we're performing other forms of love-making we're still not penetrating each other in some way. Hopefully this has been insightful.
Until next time, stay excited!
***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. If you would like to make a donation, please do so by using the secure PayPal "DONATE" button on the top right of the website. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***
Additionally, I have now added a "Donate" button on the blog (on the upper right hand side of the website), for anyone that would like to contribute to the blog. I intend to use the funds for future toys to review. Now onto today's post.
**************************
Last month, on my "Sex with Women" post, a reader asked: "How do two women engage in sexual intercourse?" I promised to respond to this question with a blog post, so here it is.
When I read that comment, the first thing that came to mind was the scene in "Chasing Amy" where Alyssa, played by Joey Lauren Adams, explains to Holden, played Ben Affleck, how two women can have sex. Holden's problem came with his lack of understanding how a woman can penetrate another woman, therefore thinking that two women can't REALLY have sex. I think that it's quite possible for some men to believe this, and believe that just because a woman has never been with another man that she's still a virgin. Then the question becomes, what is the definition of a woman losing her virginity? In all sincerity, this could just mean the first time you are penetrated by a partner, whether it be with a male bodied partner and their penis, or a female bodied partner and their fingers/hands.
There's a common misconception that a woman loses her virginity when her hymen breaks. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there are a lot of young girls and women who don't have intact hymens and whom have never had any kind of sexual intercourse. Due to how active young girls and women are, it's quite easy for a girl to tear her hymen, but this doesn't mean that she's not still a virgin. When I lost my virginity (the first time I had a phallus penetrate my vagina) I didn't bleed. I had already broken my hymen a while ago; I think it was when I was younger and horseback riding. But I digress from the original question.
Aside from fingers and hands, women can penetrate other women with their tongues and with a strap-on. Some lesbian couples go to adult toy stores together to purchase toys to penetrate each other with; this practice is quite common. I've had a few conversations with men that don't understand this; why would two lesbians want to have sex with a strap-on? Why don't they just have sex with someone that has the real thing? Well, this is quite simple; because women don't "love" penis, or any other form of phallus. What they love is the person it's attached to; and this goes for pretty much all women, not just lesbians. The act of penetration, whether it be from a dildo or the real thing, is what's intimate, not the actual phallus itself.
Furthermore, to love someone is a form of penetration, and for some women, this is the important type of penetration. If I am with a woman and we love each other, and we're having sex but are not physically penetrating each other, that doesn't mean that when we're performing other forms of love-making we're still not penetrating each other in some way. Hopefully this has been insightful.
Until next time, stay excited!
***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. If you would like to make a donation, please do so by using the secure PayPal "DONATE" button on the top right of the website. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Sex in Cars
Having sex in a car is always very uncomfortable; yet, I have done it more times than I can count on two hands. I think that one of the reasons why I have done it so much is because of the excitement/dangerous factor that comes with having sex in a parked car, among other reasons. To clarify, by sex I mean penetration, not just oral sex or hand jobs.
The first time I had sex in a car was with someone that I had met through a friend. We hit it off and started "hanging out" with each other. Unfortunately, that was the year that I was living at home with my mom and commuting to school, he also lived at home. When we first wanted to "get it on" we had nowhere to do it, except for his car. Well, I wasn't too sure about having sex in a car on a residential street, even if it was late at night and the entire neighborhood was asleep. After a bit of making out and heavy petting I sort of gave in to having sex in the car.
One thing I need to point out before I describe the sex, his car was a Civic hatchback, so just imagine the amount of space, or lack thereof, which we had to get it on. When we first realized that we were going to have sex in his car we decided to just stay and do it in the front seat. After several uncomfortable moves, we both decided to move things to the back seat, which didn't really make the experience any better. We were both still very uncomfortable, but I still wanted to continue. I realized then that having sex in a car was really turning me on, regardless of how difficult it was to do so in his little car. There is a lot to be said about the risk of getting caught, it's dangerous and kinky. The sex wasn't great, due to the lack of space, but it was definitely a memorable experience because of how turned on I was.
Another person I've had sex in a car with had a bigger car, in which there was plenty of room to move around and try different positions. With this other person, we would some times drive out to hill top areas where there was a picturesque view of the city below, make out, then proceed to have sex in the car. I know that there's less of a "danger" factor involved in these instances since we would drive out to remote areas, but nonetheless, it was still exciting. Of course, not every time we got it on in his car was it in a secluded area with a pretty backdrop; at times we would just park on a dark residential street and hope to not get caught. Fortunately, nobody ever caught us.
The last time I had sex in a car was definitely in a much riskier location; Downtown Portland, parked under a street lamp. This is one of those instances where I had WAAAAY too much to drink and was just not thinking and going with what I felt in the moment; horny. Because we had both been drinking, I more than him, we went back to my car, because it was closest, and just started to make out. Of course, with that much alcohol, I was on a mission to get laid, so my wandering hands found his very eager penis. After a bit of oral sex, we reclined the seats and attempted to have sex. Once we both realized how uncomfortable we both were, we decided to get dressed and get into his car so we could go back to his place. Fortunately, all of the heavy breathing had fogged up the windows, so I'm pretty sure that the only thing the people in the city of Portland saw was a car rocking back and forth.
Granted, that last encounter was more due to a lack of ability to drive at the moment that things were going down, but every time I have found myself getting it on in a car I felt extra excited. One thing is for sure, you have to make sure to have tissue in your car, or just a towel, because it can get sweaty and a bit sticky in there.
Until next time, stay excited!
***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***
The first time I had sex in a car was with someone that I had met through a friend. We hit it off and started "hanging out" with each other. Unfortunately, that was the year that I was living at home with my mom and commuting to school, he also lived at home. When we first wanted to "get it on" we had nowhere to do it, except for his car. Well, I wasn't too sure about having sex in a car on a residential street, even if it was late at night and the entire neighborhood was asleep. After a bit of making out and heavy petting I sort of gave in to having sex in the car.
One thing I need to point out before I describe the sex, his car was a Civic hatchback, so just imagine the amount of space, or lack thereof, which we had to get it on. When we first realized that we were going to have sex in his car we decided to just stay and do it in the front seat. After several uncomfortable moves, we both decided to move things to the back seat, which didn't really make the experience any better. We were both still very uncomfortable, but I still wanted to continue. I realized then that having sex in a car was really turning me on, regardless of how difficult it was to do so in his little car. There is a lot to be said about the risk of getting caught, it's dangerous and kinky. The sex wasn't great, due to the lack of space, but it was definitely a memorable experience because of how turned on I was.
Another person I've had sex in a car with had a bigger car, in which there was plenty of room to move around and try different positions. With this other person, we would some times drive out to hill top areas where there was a picturesque view of the city below, make out, then proceed to have sex in the car. I know that there's less of a "danger" factor involved in these instances since we would drive out to remote areas, but nonetheless, it was still exciting. Of course, not every time we got it on in his car was it in a secluded area with a pretty backdrop; at times we would just park on a dark residential street and hope to not get caught. Fortunately, nobody ever caught us.
The last time I had sex in a car was definitely in a much riskier location; Downtown Portland, parked under a street lamp. This is one of those instances where I had WAAAAY too much to drink and was just not thinking and going with what I felt in the moment; horny. Because we had both been drinking, I more than him, we went back to my car, because it was closest, and just started to make out. Of course, with that much alcohol, I was on a mission to get laid, so my wandering hands found his very eager penis. After a bit of oral sex, we reclined the seats and attempted to have sex. Once we both realized how uncomfortable we both were, we decided to get dressed and get into his car so we could go back to his place. Fortunately, all of the heavy breathing had fogged up the windows, so I'm pretty sure that the only thing the people in the city of Portland saw was a car rocking back and forth.
Granted, that last encounter was more due to a lack of ability to drive at the moment that things were going down, but every time I have found myself getting it on in a car I felt extra excited. One thing is for sure, you have to make sure to have tissue in your car, or just a towel, because it can get sweaty and a bit sticky in there.
Until next time, stay excited!
***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***
Thursday, September 6, 2012
My new Swift Anal Plug
Today I will be reviewing my very first anal toy. I'm actually really excited about this because I have been looking forward to reviewing toys that both men and women can enjoy. Although, I am quite aware that the experience a female has with anal toys will not be anything in comparison to that of what a male might experience due to simple anatomy.
When it came to choosing an anal toy, my first thought was "the thinner the toy, the better the joy." I definitely did not want my first anal toy to be intimidating to the point where I would be scared to even attempt to use it. So I went to stores and looked online in order to get an idea of what is out there. I knew that I wanted to try a vibrating anal toy and was fortunate to find one that was a size I knew I could handle; the 100% Silicone Swift Plug.
The Swift Plug measures 4.5 inches (11.4 centemeters), is made of silicone, has a suction cup at the bottom, and vibrates. Of course, as is the case with most battery operated adult toys, batteries are not included and requires two AAA batteries to get this bad boy working. The controler for the plug is actually a dial (which is different from what's shown in the picture above) and appears to have about thee settings which one can distinguish; low, medium, and fast. Now that I've gotten all of the technical stuff out of the way, time to share my thoughts.
After getting this toy, I put off trying it for about a month and a half. As you all know, from my blog posts on my anal sex experiences, I have never really had an experience that I thoroughly enjoyed, just one that was alright, so this made me hesitate trying out this toy. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I decided that I would put all of that behind me (no pun intended) and give the plug a go. One Saturday morning, I woke up, took the dog out for a walk, and hopped into the shower. While in the shower I started thinking about this review that was coming up and started thinking that I had put off trying out this toy for long enough. I got out of the shower, grabbed the plug and the lube, and decided to just go for it. Even though the plug is fairly slim, I knew that I still had to make sure to go slow.
When I first inserted the tip of the toy I could feel my body tense up, not because I caught myself off guard, but because I was still a bit hesitant about trying this toy out. In order to make myself relax I turned on the plug. The vibrations from the plug on my anus felt like a massage, which allowed my body to relax. It took me about five to ten minutes of massaging my anus with the vibrating plug and applying lube before I got the toy all the way in. Once inside, I realized that I was really enjoying this toy. The vibrations were exciting, while the pressure inside my anal cavity allowed for a differnt experience when I used my Rabbit in conjunction with the plug. It didn't take long for me to climax; all of these new sensations sort of brought about a sensory overload. After I was finished, I had to go through the process of taking out the plug. Although I was already relaxed, this required extra lube and about five minutes before I was able to fully extract the plug.
Now, I don't really have any cons for this toy, except for that once it was inside of me, and was using the Rabbit as well, I sort of couldn't feel much of the pressure from the plug. Basically, this toy was a little too thin once it was already inside, but I'm sure that I won't try anything significantly bigger any time soon.
I can honestly say that this is my first positive anal experience; and being the one in control had everything to do with that. The Swift Plug itself could have been bigger, but I only felt that way after the toy was inside of me. Other than that, I feel like this is a great begginer's toy for anyone that's looking to explore having anal sex. With that said, the Swift Plug get's a huge "DilDo" from me!
Until next time, stay excited!
***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***
When it came to choosing an anal toy, my first thought was "the thinner the toy, the better the joy." I definitely did not want my first anal toy to be intimidating to the point where I would be scared to even attempt to use it. So I went to stores and looked online in order to get an idea of what is out there. I knew that I wanted to try a vibrating anal toy and was fortunate to find one that was a size I knew I could handle; the 100% Silicone Swift Plug.
The Swift Plug measures 4.5 inches (11.4 centemeters), is made of silicone, has a suction cup at the bottom, and vibrates. Of course, as is the case with most battery operated adult toys, batteries are not included and requires two AAA batteries to get this bad boy working. The controler for the plug is actually a dial (which is different from what's shown in the picture above) and appears to have about thee settings which one can distinguish; low, medium, and fast. Now that I've gotten all of the technical stuff out of the way, time to share my thoughts.
After getting this toy, I put off trying it for about a month and a half. As you all know, from my blog posts on my anal sex experiences, I have never really had an experience that I thoroughly enjoyed, just one that was alright, so this made me hesitate trying out this toy. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I decided that I would put all of that behind me (no pun intended) and give the plug a go. One Saturday morning, I woke up, took the dog out for a walk, and hopped into the shower. While in the shower I started thinking about this review that was coming up and started thinking that I had put off trying out this toy for long enough. I got out of the shower, grabbed the plug and the lube, and decided to just go for it. Even though the plug is fairly slim, I knew that I still had to make sure to go slow.
When I first inserted the tip of the toy I could feel my body tense up, not because I caught myself off guard, but because I was still a bit hesitant about trying this toy out. In order to make myself relax I turned on the plug. The vibrations from the plug on my anus felt like a massage, which allowed my body to relax. It took me about five to ten minutes of massaging my anus with the vibrating plug and applying lube before I got the toy all the way in. Once inside, I realized that I was really enjoying this toy. The vibrations were exciting, while the pressure inside my anal cavity allowed for a differnt experience when I used my Rabbit in conjunction with the plug. It didn't take long for me to climax; all of these new sensations sort of brought about a sensory overload. After I was finished, I had to go through the process of taking out the plug. Although I was already relaxed, this required extra lube and about five minutes before I was able to fully extract the plug.
Now, I don't really have any cons for this toy, except for that once it was inside of me, and was using the Rabbit as well, I sort of couldn't feel much of the pressure from the plug. Basically, this toy was a little too thin once it was already inside, but I'm sure that I won't try anything significantly bigger any time soon.
I can honestly say that this is my first positive anal experience; and being the one in control had everything to do with that. The Swift Plug itself could have been bigger, but I only felt that way after the toy was inside of me. Other than that, I feel like this is a great begginer's toy for anyone that's looking to explore having anal sex. With that said, the Swift Plug get's a huge "DilDo" from me!
Until next time, stay excited!
***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***
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