Logo created by Sean Bucknam of inadvertentDESIGNS

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My mom and the blog

I was going to post about anal sex today but a conversation I was having last night made me decided to leave that for next week and write about telling my mom about this blog. Whenever I go and visit my mom, I sometimes bring up the topic of sex, not because I want to make her squirm, but because I feel like this is a challenge for me. I have never been comfortable talking to my mom about sex, particularly because when she found out I wasn’t a virgin she started to cry. Needless to say that I was heartbroken and exceedingly annoyed by her reaction, which resulted in me never wanting to talk to my mom about sex, until I started the blog.

I have been trying to be as open as I can about the blog, including with my family. My mom, who is the most important member in my family, along with my grandma and aunt, is aware that I have a blog that revolves around sex, but she doesn’t know how personal I get with my
blog posts.

This past December, when I was visiting my mother in Los Angeles, I told her that I was going out to go watch a comedy show. What I failed to mention was that this comedy show was at the Pleasure Chest, an adult toy store, and that I was planning on purchasing a few items while I was there. When I got back from being out, I showed my mother what I purchased; a mini padlocked chest and Smartballs by Fun Factory (which will be reviewed next month). I began explaining to my mom that I was going to begin writing a blog. Well, first I had to explain what a blog is and how everyone would be able to read the content of my blog. The next step, which was a bit harder, was explaining what the actual content would be. As I began to explain that I would be reviewing adult toys, I could see my mom’s scowl just getting scarier. When I finished, she just looked at me in disgust. I have to admit that I felt a little heart broken, but mainly because I didn’t know that my mom would object so much to my use of toys. That’s right; her reason for not being pleased about the blog wasn’t necessarily that I was going to be writing reviews about these toys, but that I was masturbating and using toys. At that point I sat my mom down for a little talk about modern day women’s health and sexuality.

Explaining to my mother that masturbation is healthy is tricky, particularly because she’s a traditional Central-American female that was raised Baptist. I tried to make her relate to any sexual urges she might have had, or might still have, but I think that my mom is now asexual. This woman would just not budge. All she kept saying was that masturbation was disgusting and a lady should not do that; I might or might not have let out a burst of laughter after she said that. This is the woman that makes an entire room laugh with her dirty jokes. A woman whose humor is so crude that if you were to hear some of her jokes you would understand where I get it from, I’m sure that my cousins who read this can attest to that. Well, when trying to have a serious conversation with one’s mother it’s probably not good to laugh at some of the stuff they say. Either way, I digress. I tried to help my mom accept that masturbation was healthy, so I put things for her the following way; would she rather I sleep around with various men until I am sexually satisfied OR just masturbate and reach that sexual satisfaction without any worries of a condom breaking, potentially contracting STDs, or even worse, becoming pregnant. As badly as my mother wants grandbabies, she finally conceded, BUT that didn’t mean that she was happy that I was writing about this. I decided to just leave it at that, for the time being, but my pursuit to change her mind about sex has only just begun.

Until next time, stay excited!

***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***


  1. thats cool you had this talk with your mom! i cant even bring up anything about my own current relationship with my boyfriend to my parents. It really takes a toll on my relationship with them, i consulted a therapist and she pretty much told me i shouldnt. That parents dont realy want and dont need to know about our sexual lifes. I was pretty confused by her advise, needless to say i stopped going to see her because i could tell she couldn't relate to my experience a queer chicano. I understand why some barriers are necesary, they dont need to be knowing all my business, but also i just find it hard to even touch the topic about my boyfriend (becasue I dread that they'll think about their son having sex with a man and have a homophobic fit). The anxiety that comes with not being able to have my boyfriend more involved in my family's life is quite draining, and i wish i had that comfortability to just sit down and be more open with them.

    1. Nico, I'm sorry that you have to go through that. We want to include our families in everything we do in our lives that bring us happiness. Being a queer chicano is probably tougher than being a queer chicana because of the machismo in our culture. But I think that the first step is probably to just get your family to love your boyfriend as much as you do, because he IS pretty awesome. Then discuss with your family the dynamics of your relationship and how he makes you happy. I do agree with your therapist, our parents don't need to know everything about our sexual lives, but they do need to know about those we love. If you haven't already, maybe you should sit them down and ask them what they love about you as a person and if being queer changes any of that. Maybe everything they say they love about you are characteristics that your boyfriend has, which can be the foundation that you lay for your parents to accept your relationship with him.

  2. Pam I applaud your bravery for bringing up such a delicate subject to your mom. Being latino I know that older latin women are extraordinarily religious and sadly very stubborn when it comes to change. Keep up the good fight my dear.

  3. Talking about sex with your mom is cool! I guess there’s no problem if she would know that you are the author of this blog. Go on and tell her, good luck to your confession!

    -Ryan| sex toys Philippines