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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Talk Dirty to Me

I know that you have heard it time and time again; communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Well, this could not be truer when it comes to communicating about sex before, during, and after sex. Aside from communicating during sex with “sexy talk”, which can be really hot, the communication that comes before the sex is just as important, especially when it comes to setting boundaries for what you are or are not comfortable doing in the bedroom. 
I love rough sex. I’m a fan of just taking it and being told what to do, having my hair pulled, and being spanked and lightly bit. I also love to dirty talk prior to sex in public places; being told what’s going to happen to me and how I’m going to be “punished” is a HUGE turn on and a great form of foreplay. You wouldn’t know this about me just by looking at me, so how do you think that my last few partners knew to do this in order to ensure that I had a very pleasurable sexual experience? I told them about it. I set boundaries for what words they couldn’t use when talking dirty; I’m not a fan of being called a bitch during the sexy talk. My partners also knew that I wasn’t that big of a fan of anal sex, although I’ve been recently reconsidering trying it again, so they never attempted to do it or brought it up. The point I’m making is that communication is the key to a great sexual relationship.

Prior to my now candid nature with my partners about what I enjoy in the bedroom, I would just do the deed and not really bother to let my partner know, neither before nor after sex, what the things that I enjoyed the most were. This was a big mistake on my part because I’m quite the submissive during sex. When a partner would ask me what I wanted to have done to me I would go into “super-freak-out-silence-mode”. Needless to say, it took a while before I was able to communicate during sex. I think that my silence came from not really knowing what I wanted and liked, but also from wanting a partner to just take control and have their way with me, yet I didn’t communicate this. Little by little, though, as the amount of sex I had increased, I began to realize what I liked and that most guys have no clue what a woman really enjoys in bed. But to be fair about that statement, most women want different things.

Talking about sex before you have it is also a great way to explore each other’s wild side, as well as test what boundaries might or might not be ok to cross. I used to sleep with a friend that wanted a finger or two up his butt during oral sex, and he was completely candid about this. I was fine with obliging to his request and it made sex a lot more fun for the both of us. On another occasion, I was sleeping with a guy that liked to pinch my nipples, but before he proceeded to pinch them he asked if it was ok, I told him he could do it but I would let him know when it was too much. During that sexual experience I found out that I like my nipples pinched and bit, but the fact that he asked for permission is what really made that experience hot.

It’s important to note that you should probably not go to your partner and start listing things that you don’t like during sex. Keeping things in a more positive light and giving suggestions for alternative experiences to the ones that you’re not a fan of, that way no one’s ego gets hurt, is probably the best way to go about things. Now, if you tell someone that you would rather they do something else instead of continuing with what they’re doing, but they don’t listen to you, then you should definitely put your foot down and say that you don’t like what they’re doing. Consent is sexy, but if your partner tries to do something that you have said you’re not too keen on doing then you should definitely feel comfortable to say that you do not like something.
To get you started, here are a few things that you should consider talking to your partner about: 

 1) Fantasies 
 2) Where you like for them to cum (for those with male partners)
 3) Whether or not you like cum in your mouth
 4) Positions you favor
 5) Toys you would like to use during sex
 6) Your thoughts on role playing
 7) Places that you like to have sex (public vs private)
 8) Foreplay
 9) Oral sex
 10) Mutual Masturbation
 11) Anal sex
 12) Bondage or more extreme forms of S&M

These were just a few suggestions, but I'm sure that you all can come up with more. Please feel free to leave your suggestions for topics to talk about with your partners in the comments section, I'm sure other people would appreciate it ;).

Until next time, stay excited! 

***If you have a story you would like to share please email me. Also, if you have any suggestions for future adult toy reviews, topics, or questions please feel free to post them in the comments section or email me at DilDosNDilDonts@gmail.com***


  1. As always very entertaining and interesting. Look forward to the next one. I have had women who love how candid I am and others who become reserved with my candidness. I have learned over the years how to effectively communicate my wants/needs to my partners and intimacy has improved tremendously.

    1. It's possible that the women that were more reserved had never actually talked about what they liked or what their partners liked during sex. But it's good that you were exposing them to that so that they can potentially talk openly about sex and what does it for them.