I know that you have heard it time
and time again; communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Well,
this could not be truer when it comes to communicating about sex before,
during, and after sex. Aside from communicating during sex with “sexy
talk”, which can be really hot, the communication that comes before the
sex is just as important, especially when it comes to setting boundaries
for what you are or are not comfortable doing in the bedroom.
I love rough sex. I’m a fan of
just taking it and being told what to do, having my hair pulled, and being
spanked and lightly bit. I also love to dirty talk prior to sex in public
places; being told what’s going to happen to me and how I’m going to
be “punished” is a HUGE turn on and a great form of foreplay. You wouldn’t know this about me just
by looking at me, so how do you think that my last few partners knew to
do this in order to ensure that I had a very pleasurable sexual experience?
I told them about it. I set boundaries for what words they couldn’t use
when talking dirty; I’m not a fan of being called a bitch during the sexy
talk. My partners also knew that I wasn’t that big of a fan of anal sex,
although I’ve been recently reconsidering trying it again, so they never
attempted to do it or brought it up. The point I’m making is that communication
is the key to a great sexual relationship.
Prior to my now candid nature with
my partners about what I enjoy in the bedroom, I would just do the deed
and not really bother to let my partner know, neither before nor after
sex, what the things that I enjoyed the most were. This was a big mistake
on my part because I’m quite the submissive during sex. When a partner
would ask me what I wanted to have done to me I would go into “super-freak-out-silence-mode”
Talking about sex before you have
it is also a great way to explore each other’s wild side, as well as test
what boundaries might or might not be ok to cross. I used to sleep with
a friend that wanted a finger or two up his butt during oral sex, and he
was completely candid about this. I was fine with obliging to his request
and it made sex a lot more fun for the both of us. On another occasion,
I was sleeping with a guy that liked to pinch my nipples, but before he
proceeded to pinch them he asked if it was ok, I told him he could do it
but I would let him know when it was too much. During that sexual experience
I found out that I like my nipples pinched and bit, but the fact that he
asked for permission is what really made that experience hot.
It’s important to note that you
should probably not go to your partner and start listing things that you
don’t like during sex. Keeping things in a more positive light and giving
suggestions for alternative experiences to the ones that you’re not a
fan of, that way no one’s ego gets hurt, is probably the best way to go
about things. Now, if you tell someone that you would rather they do something
else instead of continuing with what they’re doing, but they don’t listen
to you, then you should definitely put your foot down and say that you
don’t like what they’re doing. Consent is sexy, but if your partner tries
to do something that you have said you’re not too keen on doing then you
should definitely feel comfortable to say that you do not like something.
To get you started, here are a few
things that you should consider talking to your partner about:
1) Fantasies
2) Where you like for them to cum (for those with male partners)
3) Whether
or not you like cum in your mouth
4) Positions you favor
5) Toys you would
like to use during sex
6) Your thoughts on role playing
7) Places that you
like to have sex (public vs private)
8) Foreplay
9) Oral sex
10) Mutual Masturbation
11) Anal sex
12) Bondage or more extreme forms of S&M
These were just a few suggestions, but I'm sure that you all can come up with more. Please feel free to leave your suggestions for topics to talk about with your partners in the comments section, I'm sure other people would appreciate it ;).
Until next time, stay excited!
As always very entertaining and interesting. Look forward to the next one. I have had women who love how candid I am and others who become reserved with my candidness. I have learned over the years how to effectively communicate my wants/needs to my partners and intimacy has improved tremendously.
ReplyDeleteIt's possible that the women that were more reserved had never actually talked about what they liked or what their partners liked during sex. But it's good that you were exposing them to that so that they can potentially talk openly about sex and what does it for them.
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